here's a wish for the new year
i wish tomorrow never comes

i want someone who shies away from taking pictures
smiles and tries to shield his face using my hands
someone who pulls me for a hug every time i come nearer
someone who plays this will destroy you again and again
someone who eats peanut butter right out of the jar,
resting his head on my shoulder
watching garden state/that's 70s show with a big goofy grin

someone who dresses messy yet amazingly well
someone who steals my cardi and hands me his leather jacket
someone who always has coke and bagels in his room

but.. i think what i want the most is
someone who will convince me that i mean everything to him
even when i told him no a million times
someone who still tries even when i pulled away again and again
someone who sneakily, mischievously tries to get his way

his way of showing me that he really wants me

and of showing me what i didnt know

showing me how much i wanted him as well.

explain to me again
WHY? do i have to give in to you again?

FUCK YOU LAH
FUCK YOU

fuck you and all your fucked up doings
and no i'm not talking bout my mum.

its hard to see in black and white
when you are in fact, blind.

the need to remind myself
of this situation
is so i could remind myself
of the fact that i am blind.

i am a mess

the metallic taste of the tea does nothing to the senses
and i stay here
wishing for "what if" situations to come through
and liberate me

but i stay here
on my bed
this pillow fort

and wish that no one would ever get the true meanings of my posts
so that i can pretend and go on living in my pretend world
pretending to feel what i don't

this in incomplete
and no, in my real world
i see clearly.

am i the only one who loves spoilers?

:(

boohooo.
i know the ending to the road :)
and the lovely bones....

dun talk to me if you dont wannaaa knowwwww...

is the person who constantly asks for a break up/time off...
the one who is in control of the relationship/friendship?

shame on you for thinking so.


its 6 in the morning again.
i'm staring at my mac, spacing out.
i want so many things
i think i know many things
but then again
as a person, i am truly just a speck of dust in this whole galaxy
so what do i know?

i always wondered..
what's the rush?
when i listen to him talk about his needs
his need to learn
to get what he can at this age
he's getting older by the minute

while i curl up on the other side of the phone
i stare at the tv
i question him silently in my head

what's the rush?

ahh.. it was at the tip of my tongue
wait.. my fingers

what's the rush?

maybe we are truly different
the way we think, function and anything else
makes us completely unrelatable to each other

as much as you care for someone
as much as you want to understand
sometimes all you can do
is

stare at the tv,
while just trying so goddamned hard to understand..
listen to all his sighs and low tones..
and at the same time,
try to make every cell in your body feel the pain he is feeling..
just so you can feel what he is feeling,
just so you can tell him,

i get what you mean,
i do understand..
i'm here with you in this...

but then the whole world blanks out,
because truth is..
you're not.

you don't get what he means,
you don't understand,
you can try to be in it with him..

but you're not.

right now.
all i know is that
i should always listen
and try to understand.

i guess because deep down..
i always wanted someone who would try to understand..

me.

its exactly six,
well almost
happy new year ppl.
i missed the count down for 3 years in a row man
kinda depressing
yeah countdowns mean something to me

maybe its that feeling when everyone screams the numbers
and your heart beats faster
and you lose your mind for a while
focusing on nothing but the numbers
and as it gets closer
the screams goes louder
and you see nothing but random colours
doesnt matter, colours of the crowd
the sky
the lighst all around you

you suck all these colours in
and then



" TWO....ONE!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"




and
then...

everyone fucking loses their mind
and screams like whores being anal fucked for the 45th time rough


sigh, i love countdowns
:)