and the award for the worst girlfriend goes to...

someone once asked me.

hey jess,
will you make a good girlfriend.

now here's the thing...
i am very paranoid..
i tend to over dramatize stuffs
and sometimes i analyze things as if they hold the meaning of life itself.
so yeah.. needless to say this question got me thinking as well.
ngeh.

i thought well and long enough,
ponder endlessly,
and ....

i have no fucking clue.

i want to think that i will make a good girlfriend.
but at the same time, i don't think i will.

so to make my life easier i made a list of why i wont and will.

(its ok if you don't want to read it, its complete crap, but then again, all my posts are complete crap :) )

 here's why i would make a good girlfriend.

• ermm... i am funny? ( well i like to think that i am)
• i smile a lot..... a lot (ok that might scare guys off ..i think )
  
• i like hugs?
• i sleep a lot... like a lot... my close friends actually don't call me before 12 cause they know
  i am dozing my ass off.. and and most boys i know like to sleep, so yeah your girlfriend 
  wont call you before 1 or 2 or 3 ok fine 3.30? how cool!
• i have nice eyes... ( well i was told by someone i really care about)
• i am friendly ?
• i laugh a lot too?
• i am loud ( you know what maybe that's a major turn off for guys lol)
• i have brains
• i watch a lot of stupid crap and comedies.. bring on the jokes!
• owh owh i can speak canto and mandarin so if someone talks shit bout my bf i can
  language karate kick them back!
• i burp out loud ( ok thats bad right haha?)
• spongebob and patrick are my dates during my nick hours
  
  

i cant think of anything more... and here's why i would suck as a girlfriend.

• i tend to not take life seriously..
  
• i have too many emotional baggage that pops in and out in my life.
• i am bipolar like super level bipolar.
• i can be very emotional at times
• i cry easily
• i get mad easily as well
• i am easily paranoid
• i need  my bf to text me at least twice a day
• i get jealous easily but i wont tell
• i would care the world bout my bf but i wont  tell him( but my friends and lol ash would know)
• i am loud
• i am shallow
• i am too independent
• i sleep a lot lol
• i like making out ,too much sometimes :(
• when i get mad i am right  but i wont say... good news is i tend to let my bf win
• i forgive easily but its hard for me to forget..
• i am ugly and fat
• i dress freakishly -_-
• i talk a lot...like there's no tomorrow.
  
• i dont go clubbing (funny how time has change..now guys want girls who goes clubbing)
• i am too close to my bro and sis so yeah they will know bout my bf.
• i fall too easily yet take time to let go, so when i break up. it tears me up
• i am jessie.. full of flaws lol. so yeah that's a valid reason.
  

so yeah...
i am a bit pleased now since i made my head clear..sorry cause you guys have to read this
bare with me ppl. 

:D

omg

I AM SO HAPPY...SO HAPPY..

I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!

LOL.
yeah i am happy :D

bite me.

its not even a leica you sombong ape?

tadi, i was walking around in Sunway,
ternampak this bunch of people who were carrying a huge ass dslr.

now i dont get it..
why?
why is it a trend now?
why is it a trend for people to snap bout everything
from the food, from their session in the fitting room( aku guilty tapi hanya few times k -_-) ,
everything.....

lagi lagi dgn that huge ass dslr
neck tak sakit ke?

and the best thing is
the sense of originality is gone
semua takes the almost same pics,
almost same angles,
and and...

dont you hate how smug they look when they ALL carry a 
huge ass dslr?

they look alah soo bloody bangga
with their neck's veins bulging at sight
but still with the smug face that says

 "  aku ade dslr.. ko ade ape... i bet you guna phone's camera jer.."

sorry dear, the joke's on you then
i rasa you nampak oh so silly with your huge ass dslr
and my friends have better cams than your huge ass dslr
and my friends takde muka smug cam korang
and i bet my friends take better pics than you

at least i know they dress better than you

ape, you rasa pakai baju hujan dgn skinny jeans on sale dari topshop, dgn slipper rm10 ,
dgn huge ass dslr you tu

you cool?
you indie?

padahal, i bet ringtone phone you lagu the strokes
sbb you rasa band yg paling indie hanya the stroke...
sorry..nak tanya... siapa lead singer the strokes?
you tahu ke siapa albert hammond jr.?

huge ass dslr? pls.

and you fellow shufflers
yeah it might look nice in clubs( even i mati mati pun takkan agree)
pls jgn buat kat tgh jalan

if i didnt know better i would have thought that you tgh kejar and pijak lipas.

and you tweenies, dgn your kononnya very sad. emo life, you with your eyes are lined up
and hair all black and sad..
no 
tokio hotel bukan band yg paling best di dunia ni ..
ade lagi banyak band yg nice.

and topshop workers
you mati ke you senyum once in a while?
you guys have this weird perception that if you work in topshop
you are indie,
if you are indie
you have to be smug....
hmmmm
weird

sbb i think indie and personality never really mix
or was i wrong?

yes i do complain a lot
but seriously
dont tell me you all never notice all this?

happy happy - by jessiewalauyeh on Polyvore.com

french lips - by jessiewalauyeh on Polyvore.com

sumpah i give up.
i don't know how to answer your questions
nor do i know how to talk to you anymore

your really hot and cold huh
tell me
every time you run off in heat

and come telling me that I'm at fault

tell me,
are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?
or you lost your brains?

look for your brain
and your heart
and come back.

i will be right here 
waiting.

but bare in mind
my patience is running out

i can only hold on for so long
before your out of my mind.

a day as charlotte

night out - by jessieassokan on Polyvore.com

pop!! - by jessieassokan on Polyvore.com

panic - by jessieassokan on Polyvore.com

sleepyhead - by jessieassokan on Polyvore.com

owh tak ape :)

how to have a perfect reunion dinner?

here's how.

1. have your dad to have certain restrictions towards certain meat , hence disabling
   you to have reunion dinners at certain shops.
   
   
2. have your mum to have an emotional breakdown in the mall, in front of people, 
   always the best part. :D
   
   
3. have all your family members to fight over where to eat publicly, another best part.
   
   
4. have one of your siblings to be allergic to seafood but have your parents to choose a 
   seafood restaurant. enjoy the frowns and the complains ppl!!
   
   
5. have your dad to drive from kl, then to one u, then to another place just to decide 
   where to eat, all while lecturing you on how you waste money but wait!! he just
   blew 70 bucks on your brother's quicksilver pencil case... no no, your brother's
   stuffs is more important you see jess, cant you see?! aiyah why you so stupid wan.
   
   
6. do all these steps in a foul mood but always have a smile! 
   
   
7. then return home and blog all while smiling cause hey!!, its Chinese new year!!
   happy happy!! don't be a fun sucker now!! smile smile!!...no one wants to hang out 
   with a whiny, emo girl..now don't they? wipe that tear!! smile!!
   
   

  happy Chinese new year, and no, i suck at pretending, so dump me as your friend or something,
  i dont care.

 hope you guys have a better cny than the one i'm having.
 happy holidays.

life hits a couple of sour notes at times.
like how, your parents decides to let the family fall apart,
or how friends you thought were friends werent exactly friends

or how you are feeling down but somehow its a no no to people around you.

or how your parents are getting more and more biased
and things arent the way they used to be and your confused and lost.

yes, 

you can call me whiny,
call me emo,
call me whatever you want.

as you laugh your head your head off bout your joke,
remember,
i'm not laughing.

you call me whiny, you call me emo,
a funsucker even,but,

hey,
ever thought of asking me how am i feeling,?
why am i feeling that way?

no huh.

everyone thinks that i get angry bout everything,
everyone thinks that i dont ever take anything seriously

thats just it isnt it,
everyone's opinion..
there's never a need for me to prove myself
cause dont bother..

they will stick to their opinions

jess, you will always remain an emo, whiny, fun sucking bitch.

sometimes, as you sit alone amongst the crowd ,
you wonder,

does anyone ever regards your feelings ever?
isnt it embarrassing to find out things bout your best friend from others?
isnt it hurtful to realized you've been living lies?
isnt it hurtful to pretend everything is fine, to watch families go out, 
to see your mum all alone, 

and 

isnt it hurtful that you cant show that your unhappy, cause owh..
your  disregarding people's feeling.

its nice yet sad to know that people perceive you as the one who is always gonna be there for them.
oh so flattering yet so heart breaking

for you know,
your the one who is always gonna be kept waiting,
the one everyone yells at,
the one everyone blames,
the one everyone disregards.

people always say,
you know your really annoying,whiny,
cant you just please shut up..?

hey,
let me tell you something that you might not know.

it hurts,

but yeah
i am always gonna be the fool,
who keeps quiet only to be all happy again right after.
why?

cause i am the moron who fucking cares.

lets just end this here.
everything i had with any of you?
forget bout it

sometime
things are better left unknown
when its left unknown,
it doesnt hurt that much,
and when it doesnt hurt that much,
no tears would fall,
when no tears fall..
and no pain is felt

you aren't exactly living life, but hey,
a little less pain,
a little more smiles huh.

life would be pure bliss.

I went out with Clare today, and Ash.

it was fun, but i got pissed off several times.
i can't help it. blame my mood swings.

today,
around noon,
i realized something crucial yet a bit depressing,

i wont be able to listen to avril's things i'll never say for the next 2 years.

well if you dont know this yet, 
clare's caller ring tone is avril's things i'll never say.

haha. 
that hurts :)

regina's ode to divorce

I am obsessed with make up, especially lip products
and mascaras. 
to date, i have about 24 lipsticks, 7 lip balms and 12 lip gloss.
mascaras.....hmm bout 4? the one I'm using, mixing and matching.
i am currently obsessed with nude lipstick
like chehhh sexy lah kononnya 

I am obsessed with tom yam flavoured instant noodle, and i will only
only, i freaking repeat only, have maggi's.
and hell no, it wont be complete without eggs.
once, clare clare came over and stayed for 2 nights,
and she cooked some for me.
(its was the best tom yam maggi i have ever fucking tasted )
shh dun tell her that..nanti die bangga and would call me and say

"omg really ah (laughs with her eyes goin mia) hahahahhaha really ah...wahhh "

-_-.

I love driving around kl at night, ok tipu, i like people driving me around kl at night.
the crowd, the lights, the scent ,
i feel like i'm watching a movie, a world I have a feeling i might not be able to belong to.

I love hanging out at the mcd's kl, nehh the one next to quicksilver one...
There has been countless times since i sat there with Haida or kavi, or Ja, 
having 4 am breakfast, freezing our ass off over cokes.
But with Ja, i remembered how it was so hilarious that we actually (ok he) freaking drove
all the way there from hartamas just to have pancakes.

i confess that i miss those times. :(

I need loads of stuffs,
but i feel like such a bitch to ask them from my dad.
my dad travels for classes on a motorbike,
so that he wont get stuck in jams,
since all the places he is heading to are notorious for them.

the other day, when i was waiting in the rain with my classmate..
i heard a loud crash,
when i turned around,
i saw a man around his 40s or 50s limping,
cause he fell off his bike.

needless to say, tears started to flow ...

pa, pls get a car for yourself pls?

motorbike no air bags :((
i dont need the car so soon/at all,
i can take buses or cabs,
what's the use of having a car, if i dont have a papa right ?

i am obsess with dim sum  sessions,
i am so obsessed that i make it a must for my parents 
to have dim sum before starting a road trip to somewhere far.

i am obsess with slow mellow songs lately,
songs that reminds me the beach ,
ok, hey lets head for the beach sometime soon clare!

i hate facebook,
i really dont see why i need to add people that i might know,
its not like we would ever talk on facebook.
and god the tags?
what's with the tagged pictures?

i feel like its just for people to show off that they (might) have a life

"omfg!! i like have like a freaking life.....like omg, i was here, there, and like here, owh and there,
  see...i'm like sooooo cooollll...."

yeah erm ok.

for all you know, all the tags were just on their freaking backside, hand, crotch, hair, or eyes.

i am so happy that i finally got back my black gladiator flats, my junkfood tee, from sherwan
yay!!
thanks sherwan.

owh and i found my fave nail polish, its in this vampish red hue.. yay
yay my mum bought more shandy yay..

so what i am easily amused?! -_-

i hope everything turns out better in time,
i hope the tears will stop one day,
and that the wounds will heal,
but sometimes,
sometimes, as i sit on the stairs and wonder,

i wonder if i'm asking for the impossible?

i am starting to hate my blog template

i just realized my msn doesn't save any of my conversations yay -_-

so meaning i cant reread my conversation with this person for fucks

ok he makes me laugh ok, so why cant i re read my conversation with him
illegal is it. 

shit i am saying for fucks too many times

clare i am sorry, lets not fight over stupid things

and owh i am super hungry.

the other day, Ema asked me on how to improve her English,
and how to be smarter

which got me thinking,
am i smart,
do i read enough?

shit.

i am so screwed,
i have become a bimbo
a fat bimbo.

a fat, very emo, hates pink, talks like there;s tomorrow, who collects graphic novels, who reads shits like the world's globalization and effects, who listens to bon ivers, kind of bimbo.

on a second thought

naahh..

now who wants me as a girlfriend?

sign up on the tag box please.

jk jk.

(i'm no whore.)

ok fine seriously, sign up on the tag box.

humm a song

tagged.

songs in your life.

songs that makes me smile

1. explosion in the sky- your hand in mine
   its something bout how there's no words yet, you relate to the melody, as you drone
   into your memories, you find pictures of your life playing along to this song..
   its just magic.
   
   
2. estrella- stay
   it fits the mood for me now, 
   so please stay ... :)
   
   
3. chairlift- bruises
   i have a soft spot for tiny tencho beats .
   
   
4. freezepop - less talk more rock
   this song reminds me all the whacked out guitar hero session i used to have haha
   
   
5. broken social scene- anthems for a 17 year old girl
   this song makes me think bout new awakenings, like a breath of fresh air,
   a new take in life, a new love. haaa :))
   
   
6. the fratellis- whistle for the choir
   i swear, any guy who actually proposes to you with this song,
   DON'T ever turn him down...
   if this song represents his heart then love
   your in good hands.
   
   
7. katy perry- simple
   this is one of those be happy its all easy kinda song.
   perfect for pick me ups with a soda in hand.
   
   
   

songs that makes me cry

1. strays don't sleep- for blue skies
   this song reminds me of this past relationship i had with one of my exes, though the relationship is long over, and the wound has healed, this song never fails to make me sad.
   
   
2. sheila on 7- berhenti berharap
   good lord this is the perfect emo song when all hope is gone.
   sigh... cry your heart out.
   
   

songs that makes me wanna dance

1. edu k- gatas gatas gatas (crookers remix)
   this song was sent by haida :D. after my first listen, i was hooked...
   
   
2. crystal castle- lovers who uncovers
   this was sent to me by sherwan, the beats are nice. this is like one of those songs that i secretly wished it would get played when i go clubbing (which is like never)
   
   
3. the ying yang twins- shake
   ok i fucking love this song, the beats makes you wanna jump around and go nuts
   
   
4. goldfrapp- ooh la la 
   this song is so tres sexy, enough said.
   
   
5. fat boy slim- rockafeller skank
   i used to listen to this when i was younger, and i discovered this baby again in veron's ipod last year ....i fell in love again!
   
   
6. yelle- je veux te voir
   the whole song is so sexy. just like olivia newton john's lets get physical.

songs that kick ass on games

1. fall out boys- dance dance
   i remember going crazy fast on the burn out revenge with this song.
   needless to say i score everytime this song is out . 
   
   
2. the living end- the end of the world
   this song is perfect on tony hawk's underground 2, that i actually play this game just to listen to it.
   
   
3. freezepop- less talk more rock
   play it for pure lust on guitar hero ppl!
   
   
4. jimmy eats world- pain
   another fave on tony hawk underground 2

songs that are perfect on road trips

1. blur- song 2
   ok for people like me who fears to death of the driver driving fast, blast out this song and you will find this song pumping your heart at the right beat.
   
   
2. i hate kate- then you kiss
   another killer rock song that makes you happy (and not fear for your life)
   
   
3. the yeah yeah yeahs- any songs. 
   but i suggest this track- rich.
   
   
4. boys like girls- the great escape
   gosh do i have to explain why?!
   
   or any songs from the makes you smile list would do actually.

songs that makes me sing along.

basically any songs that you know the lyrics to would make you sing along but hey no harm eh.

1. cheap trick/letters to cleo/lindsay lohan- i want you to want me
   i love this song sigh.
   
   
2. letters to cleo- cruel to be kind
   the lyrics makes you think bout what he/she says .
   
   
3. the strokes- last night
   its fun cause everyone knows the words to the song karaoke!!
   
   
4. rihanna - take a bow
   even the most indie poser wannabe would know this song ok -_-
   
   
5. cute is what we aim for- practice makes perfect
   i actually used to leave shen's page on the whole time so i can hear it on replay
   and i would sing it out loud while chatting with him 
   yeah pathetic much :D
   
   
6. jason mraz- i'm yours
   i dont care how you think its annoying, how its on constant replay, i still STILL STILL FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG. phew... now bite me wek.
   (and owh did i mention, jason mraz is coming?!!!!)
   (fangirl scream)
   
   
7. dbsk- mirotic and shinee- replay
   yeah they are in korean, yeah they are owh so mainstream
   but i still love them and they are hottttttt.
   
   
   

ahh done.
ps, for you, just for you, any songs that makes me think of you, will eventually end up on my make me smile list . :D
just thought you should know that.

THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT I HATE EVERYTHING OK. I WILL JUST GO FUCKING DIE AND SEE HOW YOU ALL LIKE IT..

OWH ON A SECOND THOUGHT , I THINK YOU GUYS WOULD LOVE IT.

things that amazes me
is how as i wash my hair
i laugh thinking bout what you said

funny how you stay on my mind
even after the smile is wiped off my face

i cherish the moments i spent with you

it feels weird 
it feels weird how i manage to remember your face

when everyone else fades

you stand strong among the crowd
that crowd that lingers in my memory

maybe its the way you laugh
maybe its the way you say things

maybe its the way how everything feels lighter with you around

whatever is it
don't go.
even after the piece that hold us together is gone,
stay.

lifeless much

they are among my favorite ppl
in this whole bloody world.


she's a darling, this girl.

complete blur, lecturer was bout to catch me.ngeh.

dont mind my canto way of speaking,sorry.

listen,
feel,
care,
hurt,
lack of sleep,
smiles of joys,
laughter rings when jokes appears,
lame, yet oh so adorable.
but why do you care?
when you shouldnt care.





jadi jer orang yg baik, nangis, nangis lah.
the tears would kering anyways.

sayang , sayang jer lah,
hati akan tawar jugak one day nanti.

getting angry, its just getting angry,
when you think bout it..

you care pun sbb there's something nice out of it anyways.

at the end of the day,
you can just show your middle finger to the world
and walk off

but kalau ade jugak benda yg so meaningful for you to give a royal fuck

hold on while your heart is still willing to take that plunge

when your heart is tired.
well

its their loss then right.

bosan bored bosan bored bosan bored bosan bored bosan bored bosan bored bosan bored be my hero and save me asshole.

shapes floats thought the clouds of my brain,
i sit and wonder how it's formed..
things that i felt that i should have said
are slowly forgotten
becoming bygones.

the million dollar question is are you slowly slipping?
i had you in my grip once
i think,
i had you in my my arms
now as you fade away
i start to question everything

am i the one who fools
or the one who's fooled

either way i dont win
either way tears fall
either way i fall

it angers me
as i have re runs of the things you say
it makes me think less of you
it makes me think twice of everything that you said

were all of them lies
or just mere excuses?

you tell me

i am angry, sad, dissapointed
and the best thing is,
i still care .
bout you.

cheers to that

reduced to tears and smoke

i looked across the room
i see her sitting there,
i try to imagine her face in my mind.

ah, she's crying.

i wonder how scarred her heart must be now,
i grab a can,
and sat back where i was,

the taste does ease the pain
the smoke does clouds up your mind

but your soul is still there
the problem is still there

your body is still there.

all it promised to do was ease the pain love,

not help you run away.

i inhaled again,
closing my eyes,
wouldn't it be nice if it could?

so i was tagged,

to do things that i never get tired off.

so here's my list.

1. blog stalking.
    just the idea of reading up random people's life and experiences makes me feel not alone.
    i know, i'm a sad person.

2. playing with babies.
    god, they are sooooo cute. sigh. i want one :(

3.peanut butter chocolate ice cream from baskin robbins
   it's spoonfuls of heaven i tell you! 

4. going online.
    i dont know, the fact that so many things can just pop up on the window of my laptop
    just by having me to type still very much amazes me. owh fine i'm easily amused , bite me.

5. cute guys.
    cute guys who smiles a lot, yummy, cute guys with brains, yum yum yum, cute guys with        
    brains AND  a sense of humor?! ( stares up the sky, throwing hands in to the air, mouthing or
    screaming :"thank you GOD!!")

6. clothes

    hello, i am a being with boobies and vagina, beings like us just love clothes ok.

7. shopping.

    refer to no. 6

8. my bro and sis.
    they are funny, hilarious to be exact, cute, unpredictable, and so bloody fun to hang out with.
   yeah i hang out with them, HEY, some boys thinks that its cute ok !! so back off . HAHA

9. mum's cooking
    its just good.

10. clare clare, baity, haida, nadia
      they are funny, smart and they are always there for me.

11. shen 
      he is just so freaking funny and adorable.enough said. you can also refer to no. 5.

12. listening to ghost stories.
      they excite and freak the shit out of me. 

13. talking
      like as you can see, even when i type, its almost like its endless.i talk like there's no tomorrow
      sigh.

14. coffee
      not that starbucks crap, but those simple nescafe ones. especially made my mumsy...
      and dunk with oreos!! ok shit i'm hungry.

15. making people laugh.
      i tend to be perplexed and baffled when i'm talking people just start laughing, 

      maybe i am that funny, chewahh, i am THAT FUNNY, thats the way i roll homie.

      ok kill me already. but yeah. i like to see people hold tight to their stomachs 
      while laughing, it almost like they are tortured... yeah i'm a sadist.

16, being one's catalyst
      hey its an honour ok.

17. telling clare clare how's she leaving me for Australia 
      yeah i tell her that  A LOT, i go like, you lah , your leaving, 
      what kind of friend is this, leave me go Australia. fine lah
      leave lah go go. yes, i love to woodle in self pity, bite me -_-

ps, i dont think woodle is a word.

jessie's to do list.

1. get a life.
2. get the things needed for college.
3.try to use this blogger more often.
4.drink more coffee.
5.get emotionally ready from clare clare's departure.:((
6.get more sleep.
7.try to be more understanding.
8. to not be so paranoid.
9.to be nice to all GAY people. :D
10. get a life.

xoxo, you know you love me
(ok kill me already)

i like being a bimbo gak

so here's the thing i just started college, and its a complete bore. classes has started , yet it still a complete bore. my new found friends are fun, but still a complete bore. sigh. kill me already.

anyways, people who knows me, well in real life (irl) anyways, would know that i hate leaving home under dress. ok i sound so bimboish..apa apa jerlah. so i wear different outfits mixed with different things. like today i wore, zebra printed vans and a huge rolling stones lip logo bag, and i toned it down with normal plain white tee and leggings.

on the first day, i wore a multi color plaid over a rolling stone tee with leggings and gladiator flats.
everyone asked me if i was taking design. see thats the thing, i just love wearing things a bit out of the ordinary.

so some people find it amusing, some people dont, i remember where once i wore the hippie band , and uncle asked me if i'm from a tribe or something. ok.. not funny.

but dressing this make me realized who are your friends. ok howthefuck did i did that? here's one example.

i meet this person, this person likes my outfit, proceeds to be chummy with me etc etc. the next day, sees me again, ignores me completely. ok... weird. i thought we are friends now, today, sees me again i think maybe they liked my bag, tries to be chummy with me again.

weird much.

i tend to be chummy with everyone, and i stay chummy with everyone, not see them and ignore them the next day. hey flashing a smile never kills anyone. 

i feel like such a bimbo talking bout this.

and and, i think my lecturer hates me. lol

she asks a question, i answer, and she proceeds to repeat my answer. lol
and she just ignores me. i asked her a questions, she jelings me ,
or maybe my eyes were suddenly blinded by the heat or something,
but i'm pretty sure she did.

lol. nvm i shall try hard to wow her with my presentations and assignments.

i feel like staying out again, no curfews, everywhere and anywhere to go. god the sense of freedom. but it comes with a price, no laundry service, no home cooked food, no Internet connections, not maggi mee cooked with eggs and tomatoes, no annoying brother and sister to kiss, no mummy to go mummyyyyyyyyy with, no car, no treadmill, no comfy sofas and bed....

on  a second thought, i should stay home , ngeh.

2009, the year where everyone is leaving the country, well for me at least.
semua nak gi study, ye ok, study .

have safe trips ppl, have fun there, jgn libatkan diri with seks rambang, tu kerja aku.

mogwai is coming down on 21st apparently, who's going, not me maybe. 

for now, their songs are a bit too depressing for me.

ps, the best for last? maybe .hope so, for now, am keeping my fingers crossed.

 

so on feb 17, someone is leaving.

well this certain someone has been in my life for bout 7 years. for 7 years, we have never been
apart from each other for no longer than 2 weeks. well now, she's gonna be gone for 2 years.

i met this person, on the first meeting of the english club at school when we were 14. my first impression on her was that she's smart and confident. someone who i felt a bit inferior towards to.

we soon became close friends, constantly laughing and bickering bout almost everything under the sun. we would walk to her house almost every other day, snacking on something while laughing hysterically at something stupid for instance like a dog.

i remembered all the fights i had with her, all the jokes, all the laughter we shared and all the tears that flowed because of what we experienced. we used to talk every single day  on the phone without fail till it became a tradition for her to call me once everyday. my mum slowly became a psychic, for she knew, every time before picking up the phone, she would just yell, : " jessie!!! its her!!"

it became an inside joke for the both of us.

then we slowly moved to college, everyone thought that we would grow apart, i thought so too.
being the immature bitch that i was, i tried to end the friendship. thinking that i had outgrown myself from the friendship i had with her, but i was wrong. for there was never a minute of that time in my life, where it felt right saying she wasnt my best friend. 

she wasnt my best friend anymore, i realized. she was family.

there are hundreds of things that she does that pisses me off, but i could think off an infinity amount of things that makes me smile, laugh and feel lucky. she over reacts, over analyze, over stresses herself, every things she does, she tries hard to exceed the limit, its as though she is trying to win the award of being the most stressed out person on earth or something.
 

things that she makes you decipher makes you wonder that maybe you are now eligible to receive masters in psychology.

but its the way she stresses out, the way she goes, so how , so how, that makes us, her friends laugh. she brings joy to the group, all in all, she fulfilled almost every duty a friend and a best friend can do.she remembers everyone's birthday, pushes everyone to have a gathering, constantly asking us to spend time with each other more.

without even realizing it, she has become a role model of how a friend should be like.

i have no idea what would i do , if i had lived those 7 years without her. no one would have laughed at every stupid joke that i had, no one would pester me bout some stupid sale that's going on in some unknown region, no one would make me go online just to transfer some stupid pics , no one would make me stay in the fitting room just to help her decide which top to get only to have decided and have her find a nicer one and repeat the wholegoddamned process again,

no one would have make me follow her to some place just to try something she likes, but last but not least, no one would have made me happy, and of course, the jessie that i am today.

this person has made me stronger, more confident, more understanding and most of all, a much happier person, and everyone who knows me would know who this person is.

•  eh, you. i hope you know how emo i'm gonna be when you fucking leave, in fact i'm not gonna wear any make up at all, so its easier to cry babi.
• you better remember me the throught out the whole period your there, take care of yourself, look left and right before you cross the road.
  
• dont bloody lose your memory or some shit like that and completely forget bout me. i will hunt you down and make you remember me.
• dont go swimming, there got great white shark wan
•  dont go stress everyone out there, after ppl kill you .
  
• your trademark the so how so how only works here. ang mohs tak faham you cakap ape .
  
• dont call me using your phone, i will rajin rajin online to see your face and go download skype and delete everything else so that our conversation on skype wont hang.
• dont diet so much, after when you come back at the airport nobody recognize you i cry thinking you lupa me d.

dont go bloody find another jessie ah, i will have some battle royale shit waiting for that impostor.

whatever it is, dont fucking forget me DO CLAREEN.

i will miss you loads, already counting down the days to doomsday, watching you leave might be the hardest thing to do, but hey whatever is it, i will always have your back and the best thing is i know and always knew that you always have mine.

cheesy much but hey, friends forever ok.

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