my lips are so dry 
sigh

well at least my tummy is happy

haha since i just wallap a maggi 

was super hungry

since i had lunch at 12 
and didn't eat anything since then

i had vegetarian organic stuffs

err it tasted 

hmm

it was err

hahaha nice i think

anyways

when you get a saman right

i think

chances are you would look like this

i mean 
its true right

cause you have to pay say like
40 to 80 bucks at a pop when you receive those stupid slips 

god forbid you receive one of these though 

its states there that  if you
" meletakkan kenderaan BURUK di tempat awam,"
 they fine you for 500 bucks

i think that would make anyone go wtf
even a nun. 

and you do get that fine i think you end up like this.

 

but yeah if you end up with a 80 bucks one you would look like this

but

definitely ...
not...
like..

(ps, let me present you with the one boy i know, who is so bloody happy at getting a saman
  that it makes you wanna hug or punch him in the face cause its so bloody cute -_-)

you will definitely not look like this 

he claims that is the " i just got a ticket to hollywood look" made famous by american idol contestants.

sigh.

yeah..
so we appealed
i didn't know that
and we got a 50% off discount
cheh..

owh
i have 2 weeks holidays
i know wtf right
when everyone is busy having college

i will be stoning at home

sigh...

tears wells up in my eyes
i cant help it

i want to be what they want me to be
but how
i love what i am too much

haa
let me cry for a while

i will be ok

walk away if you want to
i am used to it

if you think i am pushing you away
i dont mean to
i want you to stay

but if you want to go

then
go.

goodbye and goodnight

maybe we will meet again
i hope you like what you see then
if you dont

i am sorry
cause i dont think i will ever change

reading books and talking to different girls

made me realized

for me,

there's 2 types of girls

one who seduces with full confidence

and those who seduce with no confidence

those who seduce with full confidence ,

i have always imagined them to be

brunette, with full lips, soft doe eyes with black eyeliner linings, 

wavy hair with bangs,

who are smart, witty and funny

yet alluring and mysterious.

they often come off as charming girls
smiling at your jokes
laughing only at certain

and always touching your hand or arms when speaking

they wear dresses and are always in heels

they wished they were french at some point

and master the way of saying widely used french terms 

ending with the perfect pout.

there will be a day where they will wear their lips red

and their eyes bright with a fan of black lashes

but for now

they will always pose with their heads turned looking to the back

while flashing their most mysterious smile yet.
and in turn setting hearts on fire everywhere

wars will break out for her

as she turns all the roses down

she walks away with a smile on her face

tasting sweet victory

do you want to be her?
or
do you want her?

then there is the girl who accidentally seduces

i imagine her to be the same

brunette, with full lips, soft doe eyes with black eyeliner linings, 

wavy hair with bangs,

who are smart, witty and funny

but.. they don't smile to tease

they smile shyly,

giggle and burst into laughter

they are often the ones who tells the jokes

and laughing the loudest

they are complete klutz

falling and nearly falling everywhere

they are nice..too nice sometimes

they think the French's are sexy

but it could never be them

they pout only to end up looking adorable not sexy

there will be a day where they wont fall wearing heels

or how they will manage to flip their hair without looking like a mess

but for now

they shall always be the one hanging out with you

being happy just to be around you

telling jokes and laughing at them herself

making sweet witty remarks to make you smile

but she will never be the one who seduces the masses

some of the boys will fall

but she knows these boys are the ones who are special

and she shall treasure them greatly

as she looks at the only bouquet of roses presented to her

she smiles as she accepts them

walking away in his arms

tasting sweet love

now the question is

do you want to be her

or 

do you want her

look deep down girls

you will find one of them in you

regardless of how you actually look like

she is inside of you

i am lying on the bed at 3:54 in the morning

the red light is on

lonely in gorgeous is playing

yes..its the paradise's kiss theme song

my hair is spread out across my shoulder

that kinda feels nice

i curl up bringing my feet up

hugging my pillow tighter

hmm i breath harder

i close my eyes

and all i can think of is you.

"give me your hand

 i shall slit it and watch the blood pour

 as you slowly die in my arms

 i shall smile and kiss you 

 i don't want to give you my heart

 so let me take your life."

haha funny how these morbid thoughts cloud my mind

i want to be happy

i want to

wait i think i am.

ever heard of letting go?
let go

i like someone else now

and seriously

its not you.

its him.

i want him

not you.

so let go.

just crapping.

clare.. i miss you.

when i listen to this one song
it reminds me of how i cried so hard for this one person

a person who is so bloody hot

that he wasnt worth any of my time

but i went on crashing and burning

talking to him everynight

he was hot

hot hot

hot

hot

sex 

but he is an ass.

he still texts me once in a while

asking me casually if i'm fine

people keep telling me i was the one who got away

well yeah

i am far far away bad boy.

my to shop list

1. black rubber slippers ( preferably brandless...) but if all else fails havaiinas jer lah 
    nampaknya. 

2. black leather jacket.

3. a new phone.. nak blackberry :((

4. that vintage bag i saw dekat hujung she store... i still dream about it :(

5. new gladiators (laugh all you want gideon i love themmm wekkk -_-)

6. a new fringe bagg i saw at sg wang cantik gilerrrrrrrr

tu jer lah
for now :D

anyone who is nice enough to get me one of these things?
heh...

things that i want - by jessiewalauyeh on Polyvore.com

doesn't this pic makes you smile.. haha love the yellow sneakers.




doesn't she just look effortlessly cool and rebellious ?

i love this pic!! she looks so happy :D

ps, i need to get a BLACK leather jacket.

i have a grey one.... its grey... ngeh.

dont they look cute together? :))
i heart agy and albert 

i wantttttttttttttttttt :((((((

so cute and chic :(((

cwk

i have this friend

who is nuts.

and his name is.

chin wai king

not your name is not kingsley ok -_-

haha

its chin wai king .

an ode to that boy..

i need a car

asap.

i need to drive along some long road

only me and songs that seems to goes on forever

to have the street lights to go in and out of my face

escapism at its best

i wished a portal would open at the end of the road

as so to wash away all the pain and the problems

i hate talking bout you

just so you know that

you remind me of what i used to be

happy, all smiling

under your hugs 

the way you drive from anywhere to everywhere to save me

how your calls lights up my day

how all the songs you liked first are slowly turning into my faves

maybe i am retracing the steps

as to live in the past just for a few moments

i know you moved on

so have i

but sometimes

when i sit in those cars

when the lights goes in and out

when songs like these plays

i smile and think how i used to love a boy named ja.

she left last night

the pain was unbearable

i needed to sob

but couldn't afford to do so since everyone was there

we just hung around there 

guessing which plane was hers

i never had that moment where i could watch the plane lift off

when my heart would feel the same

taking a piece of my life away

cheesy and mushy much

but i miss her so much

gone are the days where i can dial the number

and hear her hellos

or no more sessions at williams regardless how much i hate it there

no more late night movies

and long stretched out sessions in the forever 21 fitting rooms

i wouldn't be seeing a silver myvi parked out side my house for 2 years

nor will i be going to that house 

or listening to replayed lady gaga s

i miss her so much

and its just day one.

help.

so i am back where i started
i start taking those small yellow pills for my migraine again

i hate having migraines god
they kill.

i stayed up the whole night correcting things
haha which i found funny
how i wish my life could be edited the way i wanted it to be
like under photoshop or mircosoft words

how fun..

i wonder if god has a photoshop everytime we mortals start losing or gaining weight

ahah

maybe he uses liquidify everytime my face goes a bit rounder

wtf... i sound like a nerd

ahahah

abaikan

ya betul i memang patut mati haha

so valentine sucked

ahhahahaha

no it wasn't the company ok

just the whole thing sucked

no chocs sighhh

no reasons go crazy over something

i think why i stressed on watching the power ranger movie so much cause it provides me
with the same thing chocolate and love can give me

a huge dose of endorphins

yeah..power rangers makes me high sue me.

haha

the doves 's the man who told everything has this haunting yet refreshing take
every time i listen to it

its like he is singing that he doesn't give a royal fuck anymore

and just let things go

dont we all wished we could do that

leave things in the past

all locked away

where past pains would not be revisited anymore

sigh.

i need friends

fiona apple, devendra banhart, sufjan stevens, lovely regina spektor, andrew of mgmt, karen o and so on..

fiona oh fiona,
i love paperbag and ugly girl clears the tears
how can one be as perfect as you
i wonder sigh...

jadi kawan i leh?

devendra,
i shall forgive you for not dating natalie (portman) anymore...
whatever you said in long haired child made perfect sense

pls, jadi my friend?

oh sufjan ...
where do i start
i play Chicago every time i think of road trips
dont worry you shall always be there when i get my car

godddd how can you be soo hot?!

jom kahwin?

rufus...
why are you gay?
are you really gay?
sigh ciggies and choc milk are still my fave ok
so why are u gay?

janganlah jadi gay..so you pun leh kahwin dgn i ?

regina regina regina

your my love .... they should play your songs more often in topshop

it makes less a pain of thinking how topshop items are ridiculously priced when your soothing
voice clouds my mine sayang

ps, an ode to divorce is keeping me alive

you are special...
pls marry me?

oh andrew of mgmt..
you are perfect...with your curls and beautiful eyes and perfect sense of humour

how can life go on without you singing on time to pretend?

or how you dance along to electric feel
why dont you just kill me while your at it ..

be my soul mate le sigh.

oh karen o...
you make me go o o o when you sing and move in perfect balance
with tracks like rich and pins
it makes one glad

that god created you

be my best friend
and i will not hate snow white anymore.

if they do so..
my life would be perfect.

haha dreamer much.

so i did something weird today
i poured my heart out.
don't know why i did it
but i just did.

it's been days since i have visited that site
i was trying to forget

trying to forget how i always smile when i read the things there.

i am trying to let go

of things that will never work.

it wont right
he said so himself

why was i so ignorant?
throwing myself off a cliff 
when i know i will fall hard.

guess its just human nature to challenge the unchallengeable, huh.

haha..
and i thought i learnt my lesson when i tried to patch them up

no i did not.

jess your stupid.

when will you ever ever understand?
girls like you wait
girls like you are always kept waiting

girls like you always get second best

girls like you do not deserve guys like him

girls like you do not how to play the game

girls like you

always

get

hurt.

cause you always wait, with a stupid smile on your face,
even though you eyes well up in tears

thats why you always lose.

i know i will always lose,
i know i will always be the one waiting,
i know..

but i also know..
someday...

i will win.

but until then,
just let me curl up in my corner and watch my heart bleed in my palms ok :)
pretty please?

:)

nak kena?

i have been feeling quite lost lately,
i feel as thought i have been just droning into any direction
that has been given to me,
pointless and going no where kind of directions.

i think back of the days when i used to go to help,
it was hella fun
yet hella dramatic..

we had fights every now and then
things that shouldnt be said was said
things that should be said was never said
or never said enough.

at the end,
we all fell
and i left.

i hate couples
ok random much..
but i do.

just the sight of a couple being all lovey dovey makes me sick now.
maybe cause it reminds me of the past
you know, its like telling me

"yo, jess! you used to be in a relationship bitch"

nak kena sepak?!

ni nak tanya,
boleh ke ambik cuti from valentines?

it does sucks a lot when you see someone who reminds you so much of your ex (s)
whatever they say, they do, they blogged
reminds you whatever you used to be apart of.
you see and you go,
" oh ok, haha i used to know how that feels," or " hey he used to do that too"

( actually i would go 
 " ah elah, tiru jer...pepet tul.." 
   or,
  " ko ni pehal setan, segala benda yg die pernah buat you gi buat tu pehal.. nak kena?!"
    well of course these thoughts remains in my brain -_-)

line kat atas ni kan leh di-directed everytime i tgk mika lompat around
betul i ade ex ni muka die sebijik mika

jealous x...

( tak babi, mika bukan gay -_-)

haha i dont know wtf i am merepek-ing about

ps, do you know that i like you

like a lot?

le sigh.
dah dah nak gi watch ghost world or garden state.

bye.

she handed me the phone
it was my brother...

he was half yelling,
"why the fuck arent you picking up your phone?!
she is gone..
we need to leave now..
pack your stuffs 
we are heading there now!"

i was stunned
for a moment there

i forgot how to feel
i didnt know how to react

i just walked away

on the way there

through out the 5 hour journey

my tears came and went

i wasnt close to her

yet it felt empty

the world i knew fell a lot more emptier 

a piece of it was missing

then i try to digest that i have to stop looking for that missing piece

cause she is gone.

forever.

my tears dried up by the time we got there
but when i saw my uncle slumped on the sofa
with his hands in his face,
and how my grandfather broke into tears upon seeing us

i turned around,
again and again,
i whispered

i am not ready for this

i am not ready for this

as the tears stains my shirt.

but

when i walked inside...
i started to sob wildly..

i fell asleep next to my brother
on the cold floor

the sound of the fan soothes me

sending me into daze

i woke up the next morning...

walked down the stairs again
and i see her lying there
so peaceful...

whatever i said last night still lingered in my mind...

i wanted her to wake up,

i wanted her to look at me and smile

and asked if i have had my dinner

if i was tired

but she just laid there

and my sobbing got louder

the whole house was quiet
the cats walked in and out

it was as though they were looking for her

the funeral went on..

so many procedures

but were all too short and fast

the time where we will never ever see her again was coming closer

when they closed the coffin

time stopped

before they pushed her into the crematorium

i touched her

she felt cold

she felt so ...

when they pushed her in

and when the doors closed 

the world i was used to ended.

 Pati,
i know i was never really close to you, and that i rarely kiss you,

i am sorry that i felt uncomfortable talking to you,
i am sorry that we didnt visit you often,

i am sorry that i didnt tell i love you often enough..

i know these tears do not mean anything now

i know its way too late

but if you are listening..

i love you, a lot.

i will miss you.. a lot.

love,
your eldest grandchild
jess.

isnt he just adorable?! yeah he is a boy lol

seriously

he is a boy.

and his name is Mason.. and he acted in the korean movie called baby and i/ baby and me.

starring Jang guen suk

rooooommmmmmmmm rooooommmmmmmm

its freaking 4.16 in the morning
and being the chicken that i am
i am afraid to go down stairs to take
my phone's cable...
sial assignment i memang tak siap lah malam ni

ishhhhhh...

to tell the truth
i am still in cny mood
fuck ...
what am i talking about
i am always in holiday mood anyways.

starving...
i hate staying up late
i tend to starve around the 2 all the way till the sun comes up.

if only i have a car
i would be out now
driving to godknowswhere's mamak
stuffing my face

whyyyyyyy

whyyyyyyyy dont i have a car

i dont have curfews
i could go anywhere
and not come back till the next morning

how fun

but noooo

jessie just have to NOT have access to a car

blame the parents

blame the parents

blame the parents

(owh...but am not getting my hopes high)

my dad is planning to get me a car

so yeah

hello night rides

hello smoking outside

hello pd and sunrise

hello endless roads trips

goodbye money :(.....

(they just dont trust me that much you know...well with a car lah )

i am talking crap lah diu

oklah i am sleepy and hungry

2 of the most deadliest thing to feel

so yeah

night

:((

why?

haiihhhh

throws phone out of window.

why do people hate agyness again?
she is pretty,
cute,
and  most importantly 
she is down to earth.

so ...what's the problem?

she is not a trend...
she is a person...

suka suka korang jer nak minat giler kat orang
then start benci kat orang...
start abandoning people...
ape, ingat orang takde feelings..?

ok..i am over reacting

sorry shen tadi

haida you tidur mati ke?
sorry i takde credit nak reply

thats why i called you.

bye dunia,
sumpah rasa nak mati.

(ps send me some love ppl. let me know that ppl still care bout jessie the one who laughs a lot)

sigh

i got bored...so i drew a bit..for fun..

anyways...

i am weird.. i sumpah menyumpah at people who eats at chillis all the time,
but i am one of those people...
but i cry when i see the bill
(sayang ash for paying.........sayang gilerrrrrrrr.........omg sayangnya!!)

i am weird when i smirk at people who carry that Chanel bag but i am so ecstatic when i got my own!!!arghhhhh kill me kill me kill mee

i am weird i paling benci people who talks loudly in the lifts
but i do the same thing
ya betul i do.

i am weird that i hate people who que up for jco
but  i stuff my face with it every time papa belikan 

yeah ash said muka cam chipmunk masa i makan donut -_-

i am weird i giler benci bimbo himbo
tapi ramai kawan i bimbo himbo

betul sumpah
tapi they all bimbo yg berhati gold.

i am weird i like you
but i dont like you

betul..so 
i like you?so please like me too?

abaikan.