i want to be normal
i want to be someone else.

i want to have normal problems
not problems that sets my future

how i should live my life

or how i would have a family or not 

i want to be confident in things i used to believe in

like love, 
family,
and most of all,
to trust a person enough to choose to live my life with him

for the rest of my life.

not this.

i want to be the kid

who when she forgets the key

she gets nag bout inviting danger to herself

not bout how she is taking advantage of the situation

this situation

is not something i wanted

i don't want this situation

i want to stop thinking bout it

i want to talk bout happy my family is

bout how we are all together

bout how my parents are happy

not crumbling into pieces every time it pops out

it frustrates me

so much

that i feel like driving a dagger into my heart

why?
why am i the one who has to go through these things?

why cant i have normal things to fuss about

i know there are people who are far more unfortunate than me

i know you can say how you been through this and that

and how in comparison my problems are less worse than yours
but shut up and think

are you in my shoes
are you going through whatever i am going through

are you crying the tears i am crying

are you feeling the pain i am feeling?

NO.
so don't you dare compare your emotions with mine

for i have never done so.

i am sorry if your life is worse than me

but mine is bad

your level of hell might be far worse than mine

but who are you to question my level of hell

when i never questioned yours.

i just want to be a normal kid.

i just want my best friend back 

so i would have someone to call when i am sobbing

i just want things to be normal again
so i don't need to desperately want to leave home just to escape

i just want my family back

if it means that i have to shorten my life

to gain back whatever i have lost

i don't mind

i don't mind being run down by a car a day after tomorrow

if i could have my old family back

even just for a day.

i don't mind.