i realized some things today
had a crying fest over it.

but it made me feel better
things got clearer i guess
and it made me smile

i realized that i should never expect people to drop everything at once
just to come save me. they will save me
eventually
and that's what matters. =)

i realized that people react to things differently, so i need to chill
and slowly digest reactions before blowing out.
but i do find my whole "escape for a while i am pissed" working well as well.
even though it means the other party would be baffled for a few days.
oh well if they love me, they will stick around right =)

i realized that my mum and dad really loves me.
even though they rarely say so, even though you fight every other day.
they love me and will cry if i died. =)

i realized that when people left me,
50% is because i pushed them away,
i never gave them a chance to prove themselves again,
for when they made an offense again, i immediately force them to walk the plank
which is very unfair.

but i do know that i forgive and forget really easily,
i just need to stop pushing people away
people who stuck around,i love you guys =)

i realized that there are people who loves me and who enjoys my company
and they do think that i am nice happy person
even thought they never tell me that i mean a lot to them
i am glad that i can always find them around when i need them
thank you lovelies =)

i realized that my friends and loved ones accepts me just the way i am
regardless of how much they sometimes wished i wasn't the way i am
but bottom line is they stuck around
loving the real Jessie
putting up with the real Jessie
caring for the real Jessie
they might have a love hate relationship with this Jessie
but this Jessie is the Jessie they want in their lives.
thank you =)

the online comfort sessions,the phone calls, the caring words, the " i will be here if you need me"s,the jokes,
thank you so much for all of them.

you people are the ones keeping me alive.
and for that
you are my life itself.

i love you guys so much.
and once again
thanks =)