is the person who constantly asks for a break up/time off...
the one who is in control of the relationship/friendship?

shame on you for thinking so.


its 6 in the morning again.
i'm staring at my mac, spacing out.
i want so many things
i think i know many things
but then again
as a person, i am truly just a speck of dust in this whole galaxy
so what do i know?

i always wondered..
what's the rush?
when i listen to him talk about his needs
his need to learn
to get what he can at this age
he's getting older by the minute

while i curl up on the other side of the phone
i stare at the tv
i question him silently in my head

what's the rush?

ahh.. it was at the tip of my tongue
wait.. my fingers

what's the rush?

maybe we are truly different
the way we think, function and anything else
makes us completely unrelatable to each other

as much as you care for someone
as much as you want to understand
sometimes all you can do
is

stare at the tv,
while just trying so goddamned hard to understand..
listen to all his sighs and low tones..
and at the same time,
try to make every cell in your body feel the pain he is feeling..
just so you can feel what he is feeling,
just so you can tell him,

i get what you mean,
i do understand..
i'm here with you in this...

but then the whole world blanks out,
because truth is..
you're not.

you don't get what he means,
you don't understand,
you can try to be in it with him..

but you're not.

right now.
all i know is that
i should always listen
and try to understand.

i guess because deep down..
i always wanted someone who would try to understand..

me.