friends
i am not good at this.

i commit all the mistakes
and say all the wrong things.

i am cold,often depressed,
cynical and impossible..

i am a master at getting rid of people who genuinely cared about me
alienating new possible friends
ridding off possible good friendships and relationships

there is rarely a day when i get off just being happy
there is rarely a day when i can just get off without crying

my head hurts
i wish its something terminal

then maybe
i can let my friends be happy

with their happy future without my existence.

being suicidal at all time is apparently deadly
good.