a list of movies i decided i must watch/again

virgin suicides
10 things i hate about you
shaun of the dead
closer
love me if you dare
junebug
sunshine cleaning
charlie bartlett
gigantic
just friends
heathers
into the wild
coraline
the diving bell and the butterfly
let the right one in
500 days of summer
star wars
marie antoinette
cashback

songs i am currently addicted to
the xx- crystalised
air - playground love
air- alone in kyoto
nujabes - reflection eternal

my dream home shall look like this

i'm on the losing side
i've won one, no two over

but i am still losing
why?

because i am losing you.

haha.

rip Daul kim.

"oh ma, see, this is the guy right, that you told me about....who passed away due to an accident?" i said
"what..... " eyes concetrated on the tv.
" choy!! die already summore see for what?!"
" Dont watch, dont watch!! ".

i shrugged, continued watching that tall man with the big goofy smile delivering his lines in the drama.

tonight, out of curiosity, i googled
and found out that he died on the 21st of august last year,
and he was buried on the 23rd, my birthday.

while i was agonizing about how my birthday didnt seem so important to my friends,
in another part of the world,
friends and families were distraught by his death,
trying to keep their sanity after this sudden loss.

I thought that i wont be affected when i watch the drama
but now when i think of it.

he was so goofy in the drama
always funny and caring towards his friends
really makes you fall for him and makes you want to reach out and give him a bear hug
sometimes i felt that the character and him shared the same personality

an even more depressing note now isnt it?
to think that he was as lovely in real life as he was in the drama
ha..

r.i.p Lee Un
your smile will forever linger in those hearts you touched.

Are you sure you want to delete this post?

the window asked.
i see a light flickered,
someone is going to bed
or someone woke up.
well,
it is six in the morning.

i must have dipped my finger accidentally into my coffee just now,
cause even after when the coffee is gone,
the smells lingers.
i get a fresh whiff of it every time ,
i put strands of hair onto my lips.

last night i wrote ,
bout this certain little discovery i made....
after much thinking bout the boy i love so much.

isnt it funny how love functions?
its funny how we shape our ideal partner
or how in my case,
he would look ,act, dress like
i had it all mapped out..


only to
haha

fall for the complete opposites

to think that
i always wanted someone who,
i could curl up with, listening to lover's spit
watching cashback or short stories at some random site

or someone who enjoys spending long hours at bookshops,
reading books ,
or
someone who likes staying up talking to me,
about random nothings.
someone who saw the joy in taking slow walks,
absorbing views of the city at night.

haha or someone
who wont judge me for smoking and staying up way late

i guess, i wanted to fall in love with someone
who was somewhat like me
who could get the things i love
who could understand the things i like

but instead

i fell for you
hmm

it was then i realized
where's the fun in falling for someone who was like me

but the bigger picture is

you're just amazing?
i mean,
you're amazing enough for me,
to let go of what i once perceived of as perfection.

i love you.

sigh
oh how much i love you.

my insides turn
i'm too tired to cry

let me go
let me go

goodbye.

after

many sleepless nights
4 to 5 cups of coffee
few sticks of malboros
playlists with metronomy,weakerthans,
lacrosse,some beirut and ending with coconut records

these nights needs to stop
this way of life needs to stop
this droning into dazed, confused state with aphex twin needs to stop
my life needs to stop
i want a new one

so come
smile
and say hi

and lets start a new one

gideon bear stop annoying me
one day if i died
you would be very sad
believe me
YOU WOULD BE.